Here is me complaining to myself about how guys never 'like' me. And I am half way convinced that I am going to be single all my life, and yes that would be amazing. There is no better place than alone with Christ. But am I to be alone until I am finally married with Christ in Glory. So here is how the conversation went.
What should I do? Am I to be single forever? Should I ever keep a look out for a Godly man? Should I not even let myself be attracted to a guy, a Godly guy? Shall I give up on Romance completely or keep hoping and waiting on a husband?
~~~~~~~~Wait on the Lord.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But what do I do about love? I'm not even sure I even believe in that kind of Love. What should I do with my heart that longs so much to be loved?!
~~~~~~~~~~~You are loved.~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But not my a boy. :(
~~~~~~~~~By a GOD. The GOD. ~~~~~~~
Don't you love it when you lose an argument to yourself?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Love letters. 2010
Love letters.
I have some love letters I need to write for the end of the semester, so much has happened and there are so many people who have touched my life.
First, to you who love. You love deeply and truly, more than I have ever know a man to love. You are capable of living even who you know that you will not receive such love back. You embody not only loving those who love you, but loving all people. You are really a lover of souls. You are strong and kind and gentle. You are patient and not over barring, you do not boast and you do not envy. You have taught me a lot about love this semester. You keep telling me how you are loving to see the love that is going on in amongst the Brothers and Sisters in Christ, and you my friend are loving greatly. You show the love of Christ all the time and it is amazing. And your love is intentionally. You don't love haphazardly, but on purpose. You have shown me so much about selfless love and purposeful love. Everything you say or do has seems to have the purpose of loving on another. And I love that. You are an awesome man of God and I love to see how you and and I want you to know that you are loved also.
Second to you two, you who are true women of God. You are sisters in Christ and in reality. You both show true womanhood in Christ. You are both what a woman should be. Not over barring or loud, but you really do have the gentle and quiet spirit that Peter talks about in his epistles. You are sweet and loving and kind, all the things that I am not and want to be. I love to see how you work in humility, even when you are both so awesome and talented. You have taught me much over this semester and I am glad to call you my friend and sisters.
Third, to you who have a great faith in your Lord. You are busy and stressed and you don't know where the Lord is taking you, but your faith is strong and you never waver. You faith has been a help and a peace to me over this semester. I am no where near as busy as you are, but life pushes on all sides and you show a true faith in Christ that is wonderful. There is not much more I can say except that you have touched my life in so may ways, as my best friend and sister. And the picture of your faith has encouraged me so much over these last months of school.
Fourth, to you who love His words and have wisdom. You love your books and your studies, and you truly love God's word more than anything or anyone I know. You want to know more and you see so much in everything. The Psalmist says over and over again “Teach me your laws” and you, my friend, are really seeking to learn his laws. Your live shows your love for his word and it is awesome. And because of your love for His words you are wise, and your wisdom comes from Him. People can pour out their hearts to you and you listen and can always help, you always have a word from God to bless a broken spirit. You know his word and that is so beautiful.
Fifth, to you who have passion. The first thing I discovered about you was that you were very smart, the second was that you had a passion for the Lord like I have never seen. I've seen passion that is great and inflamed, but then it fades. Your has not. Your passion his hot and fresh and it makes me want to know more about this Awesome God we serve. You passion is amazing, some times it takes you away with it, but still your heart burns for the Lord. Every word, every act everything you learn, say or do seems to come from your love and passion for Christ. And seeing that this semester has encouraged me greatly.
All these things I just praised about you are to tell you how you all have encouraged me since I have met you and to say that I love you. So many, most of the attributes are things that I am trying to do. And I never knew I lacked so much until I met you guys. I have never been so 'young' before. I have never know people with love, faith, humility, wisdom and passion like you before. And it is amazing. I love having people that I spend all my time with that I look up to. You have no idea how much you have moved my heart and changed my life. I am so thankful that God has put you in my life!
Josephine Edwards
וְקָרָא זֶה אֶל־זֶה וְאָמַר קָדֹושׁ קָדֹושׁ קָדֹושׁ יְהוָה צְבָאֹות מְלֹא כָל־הָאָרֶץ כְּבֹודֹֽו׃
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord GOD almighty!
I have some love letters I need to write for the end of the semester, so much has happened and there are so many people who have touched my life.
First, to you who love. You love deeply and truly, more than I have ever know a man to love. You are capable of living even who you know that you will not receive such love back. You embody not only loving those who love you, but loving all people. You are really a lover of souls. You are strong and kind and gentle. You are patient and not over barring, you do not boast and you do not envy. You have taught me a lot about love this semester. You keep telling me how you are loving to see the love that is going on in amongst the Brothers and Sisters in Christ, and you my friend are loving greatly. You show the love of Christ all the time and it is amazing. And your love is intentionally. You don't love haphazardly, but on purpose. You have shown me so much about selfless love and purposeful love. Everything you say or do has seems to have the purpose of loving on another. And I love that. You are an awesome man of God and I love to see how you and and I want you to know that you are loved also.
Second to you two, you who are true women of God. You are sisters in Christ and in reality. You both show true womanhood in Christ. You are both what a woman should be. Not over barring or loud, but you really do have the gentle and quiet spirit that Peter talks about in his epistles. You are sweet and loving and kind, all the things that I am not and want to be. I love to see how you work in humility, even when you are both so awesome and talented. You have taught me much over this semester and I am glad to call you my friend and sisters.
Third, to you who have a great faith in your Lord. You are busy and stressed and you don't know where the Lord is taking you, but your faith is strong and you never waver. You faith has been a help and a peace to me over this semester. I am no where near as busy as you are, but life pushes on all sides and you show a true faith in Christ that is wonderful. There is not much more I can say except that you have touched my life in so may ways, as my best friend and sister. And the picture of your faith has encouraged me so much over these last months of school.
Fourth, to you who love His words and have wisdom. You love your books and your studies, and you truly love God's word more than anything or anyone I know. You want to know more and you see so much in everything. The Psalmist says over and over again “Teach me your laws” and you, my friend, are really seeking to learn his laws. Your live shows your love for his word and it is awesome. And because of your love for His words you are wise, and your wisdom comes from Him. People can pour out their hearts to you and you listen and can always help, you always have a word from God to bless a broken spirit. You know his word and that is so beautiful.
Fifth, to you who have passion. The first thing I discovered about you was that you were very smart, the second was that you had a passion for the Lord like I have never seen. I've seen passion that is great and inflamed, but then it fades. Your has not. Your passion his hot and fresh and it makes me want to know more about this Awesome God we serve. You passion is amazing, some times it takes you away with it, but still your heart burns for the Lord. Every word, every act everything you learn, say or do seems to come from your love and passion for Christ. And seeing that this semester has encouraged me greatly.
All these things I just praised about you are to tell you how you all have encouraged me since I have met you and to say that I love you. So many, most of the attributes are things that I am trying to do. And I never knew I lacked so much until I met you guys. I have never been so 'young' before. I have never know people with love, faith, humility, wisdom and passion like you before. And it is amazing. I love having people that I spend all my time with that I look up to. You have no idea how much you have moved my heart and changed my life. I am so thankful that God has put you in my life!
Josephine Edwards
וְקָרָא זֶה אֶל־זֶה וְאָמַר קָדֹושׁ קָדֹושׁ קָדֹושׁ יְהוָה צְבָאֹות מְלֹא כָל־הָאָרֶץ כְּבֹודֹֽו׃
Holy Holy Holy is the Lord GOD almighty!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Isaiah 6: Did you ever want to be a prophet?
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the LORD seated upon a throne, high and lifted up, and the trail of his robe filled the temple. And above him flew the Seraphim each had six wings with two he covered his face, with two he covered his feet and with two he flew. And one called to another
"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of Hosts; the whole earth is full of his Glory. "
And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house filled with smoke. And I said, "Woe is me for I am lost! I am a Man us unclean lips amongst a people of unclean lips, for my eyes have seen the Glory of the Lord of Hosts!!
The one of the Saraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the alter. And he touched my mouth and said; "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
And I heard the voice of the LORD saying, "Whom shall I send and who shall go for us?"
Then I said, "Here I am Lord send me!"
And he said, "So and say to this people,
Keep on hearing and do not understand
Keep on seeing but do not perceive
Make the hearts of this people dull
With heavy ears and blind their eyes;
Lest they see with their eyes
and hear with their ears
and understand with their hearts
and turned and be healed."
Then I said, "How long, O Lord?"
And he said, "Until the cities lie waste without inhabitant and houses without people, and the land is a desolate waste. And the Lord removes people faraway and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. And though a tenth remain it will be burned again, like a terebinth or an oak whose stump remains after it is felled."
The Holy see is its stump.
OK. So I am memorizing this this semester, I typed most of that from memory...
Lately I have been learning what that means. Often I hear the first part of that verse preached on. The "Holy Holy Holy" which is awesome, because God is Holy! And I've heard the "Woe is me for I am Lost/Undone" which too is awesome, because an encounter with Christ takes us apart quite rapidly, and we are undone. Also I've heard the "Lord send me!" Part preached on. I am going to be a missionary. I have responded to his call with "Lord send me!" But I have never realized what that really meant until now.
A while back I was talking with a dear friend of mine who is also called to ministry. I recited the first part of the passage to him I got the "Go and say to this people..." I didn't know it past there. And he asked me if I ever wanted to be a Prophet . I didn't understand how much that calling meant. His face was sad when he said that, I did not understand why, it is a wonderful calling to be a prophet...
This beloved friend is wiser than his years and more than he knows, I love him so much and he has shown me a lot in the past few months that I have know him. He understood what came after "here I am Lord send me!" That is not something we should say carelessly.
"Go and say to this People..."
They will never understand, they will never care, they will NEVER turn. You will be the best preacher ever Isaiah, but no matter what you do they will not believe in me. You will speak my words from my own mouth. (He spoke Scripture!!) and they will not ever turn to Me. And this is for my Glory. You will FAIL, you will never see success in this life. Those who you love and yearn that they know My salvation, they never will. You will Pray and beg and speak with words of gold, but they will never understand, because I GOD will not open their ears. Not until the land is a desolate waste.
I don't know what that all that passage means, nor can I interpret it, but it is a hard command. Would I still be willing to go, spend my life speaking knowing that it may be his will that NONE turn due to my words. And it is for HIS GLORY, no matter how good (or bad) I am, it is only him who saves and only Him who opens ears. Only when he moves will, only with his Spirit will anything ever change in a human heart.
I will be a woman of sorrow, of pain and of longing. I will love these people deeply and I will speak day in and day out of the Salvation of Christ, but they will never believe. I pray that I will have blessings that they will turn, I pray that that is his will, but if not...
Oh! What a faith took Isaiah to go knowing that he would never see fruit in his life time, but he would still obey, he still preached. And he never saw anything and he kept preaching until he died. (wasn't he killed?). But the Messiah did come, and people were saved through his preaching, us now are products of his preaching. His word are in the bible. But he never saw anything.
And it was all for His Glory.
So when we yell, "Here I am, Lord send me!!" we better be thinking his GLORY not their salvation. Their salvation is AWESOME and in part our purpose but only under His Glory. If we are going to see converts, to see people saved. Stay home. Our hearts will be broken. The only way to go is to go with a vision of his GLORY, that will sustain us. And that is why you go, not for them, but for HIM!! A vision of peoples salvation will never keep us when that vision does not come true. But a vision of his GLORY will keep us, because that vision is TRUE and true indeed, unending and perfect.
I am so afraid of my calling. I accept it with fear and trembling. I am terrified, of his Glory and of his will. I don't know what is to come. But he is awesome. I am not going for their souls, I am going for His glory and their souls for his glory, I pray, are part of his plan for his Glory. He has called me to love, but that love may come with a heavy and broken heart for the people I am sent to.
Have you even wept over the lost in the world? the lost that have never heard his name, have never been given a chance to know him, who are stuck in false religions or are going to school with you and don't and won't know him.
This should keep you up at night and cause you to weep: His Name is not glorified all over the world. They Do not glorify him should! There are religions who do not worship HIM. That is the fuel for missions and ministry. His Glory.
Why would anyone flippantly call out, "Here I am LORD send me" That is the most heart breaking callings in the bible and still is.
Why would anyone want to be a Prophet?
Only those called by God would be willing to endure such a calling.
"Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of Hosts; the whole earth is full of his Glory. "
And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house filled with smoke. And I said, "Woe is me for I am lost! I am a Man us unclean lips amongst a people of unclean lips, for my eyes have seen the Glory of the Lord of Hosts!!
The one of the Saraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the alter. And he touched my mouth and said; "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
And I heard the voice of the LORD saying, "Whom shall I send and who shall go for us?"
Then I said, "Here I am Lord send me!"
And he said, "So and say to this people,
Keep on hearing and do not understand
Keep on seeing but do not perceive
Make the hearts of this people dull
With heavy ears and blind their eyes;
Lest they see with their eyes
and hear with their ears
and understand with their hearts
and turned and be healed."
Then I said, "How long, O Lord?"
And he said, "Until the cities lie waste without inhabitant and houses without people, and the land is a desolate waste. And the Lord removes people faraway and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. And though a tenth remain it will be burned again, like a terebinth or an oak whose stump remains after it is felled."
The Holy see is its stump.
OK. So I am memorizing this this semester, I typed most of that from memory...
Lately I have been learning what that means. Often I hear the first part of that verse preached on. The "Holy Holy Holy" which is awesome, because God is Holy! And I've heard the "Woe is me for I am Lost/Undone" which too is awesome, because an encounter with Christ takes us apart quite rapidly, and we are undone. Also I've heard the "Lord send me!" Part preached on. I am going to be a missionary. I have responded to his call with "Lord send me!" But I have never realized what that really meant until now.
A while back I was talking with a dear friend of mine who is also called to ministry. I recited the first part of the passage to him I got the "Go and say to this people..." I didn't know it past there. And he asked me if I ever wanted to be a Prophet . I didn't understand how much that calling meant. His face was sad when he said that, I did not understand why, it is a wonderful calling to be a prophet...
This beloved friend is wiser than his years and more than he knows, I love him so much and he has shown me a lot in the past few months that I have know him. He understood what came after "here I am Lord send me!" That is not something we should say carelessly.
"Go and say to this People..."
They will never understand, they will never care, they will NEVER turn. You will be the best preacher ever Isaiah, but no matter what you do they will not believe in me. You will speak my words from my own mouth. (He spoke Scripture!!) and they will not ever turn to Me. And this is for my Glory. You will FAIL, you will never see success in this life. Those who you love and yearn that they know My salvation, they never will. You will Pray and beg and speak with words of gold, but they will never understand, because I GOD will not open their ears. Not until the land is a desolate waste.
I don't know what that all that passage means, nor can I interpret it, but it is a hard command. Would I still be willing to go, spend my life speaking knowing that it may be his will that NONE turn due to my words. And it is for HIS GLORY, no matter how good (or bad) I am, it is only him who saves and only Him who opens ears. Only when he moves will, only with his Spirit will anything ever change in a human heart.
I will be a woman of sorrow, of pain and of longing. I will love these people deeply and I will speak day in and day out of the Salvation of Christ, but they will never believe. I pray that I will have blessings that they will turn, I pray that that is his will, but if not...
Oh! What a faith took Isaiah to go knowing that he would never see fruit in his life time, but he would still obey, he still preached. And he never saw anything and he kept preaching until he died. (wasn't he killed?). But the Messiah did come, and people were saved through his preaching, us now are products of his preaching. His word are in the bible. But he never saw anything.
And it was all for His Glory.
So when we yell, "Here I am, Lord send me!!" we better be thinking his GLORY not their salvation. Their salvation is AWESOME and in part our purpose but only under His Glory. If we are going to see converts, to see people saved. Stay home. Our hearts will be broken. The only way to go is to go with a vision of his GLORY, that will sustain us. And that is why you go, not for them, but for HIM!! A vision of peoples salvation will never keep us when that vision does not come true. But a vision of his GLORY will keep us, because that vision is TRUE and true indeed, unending and perfect.
I am so afraid of my calling. I accept it with fear and trembling. I am terrified, of his Glory and of his will. I don't know what is to come. But he is awesome. I am not going for their souls, I am going for His glory and their souls for his glory, I pray, are part of his plan for his Glory. He has called me to love, but that love may come with a heavy and broken heart for the people I am sent to.
Have you even wept over the lost in the world? the lost that have never heard his name, have never been given a chance to know him, who are stuck in false religions or are going to school with you and don't and won't know him.
This should keep you up at night and cause you to weep: His Name is not glorified all over the world. They Do not glorify him should! There are religions who do not worship HIM. That is the fuel for missions and ministry. His Glory.
Why would anyone flippantly call out, "Here I am LORD send me" That is the most heart breaking callings in the bible and still is.
Why would anyone want to be a Prophet?
Only those called by God would be willing to endure such a calling.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
New clothes!!!
The Parable of the Wedding Feast.
I was talking to Sarah Wilson today, trying to explain this parable. The main point I made was WHO was Christ talking to, the Pharisees. And I have always got the main part... or what I thought was the main part. But the last part... I never really understood until I was explaining it... and I stole from MacArthur and had read, but I didn't get it until I was talking about what I had said with my mother later.
'Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.'
"And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.
"But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment.
"And he said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless
"Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
"For many are called, but few are chosen."
okay. Never really gotten that before. The whole he didn't have the garment... but today I had a lightbulb moment!! I love when God gives us those
When all the destitute people came into the feast they knew that they were nasty and unworthy, but the King gave then new clothes. He clothed them in the clothes of the bride groom, which the feast was for. and every man and woman who got into the hall had on new clothes that were not his or her own, but the Bridegrooms. they changed clothes. But the change they had was not of themselves but of Christ.
they didn't just change clothes, they CHANGED, but they didn't change on their own and they didn't even change into something that was their own, but CHRIST'S!! How AWESOME IT THAT???
Christ gave out of his closet of righteousness new wedding garments that we could all ware. Even thought we had not worth or right or even cleanliness on out own. He gives us new clothes, he gives us the ability to take off our old nasty lives and put on his awesome gift of a new set of clean clothes that are HIS, his worthiness and love and joy and and and and... oh it goes on and on. Do you see what he has given us??? He has given us new clothes!!!! We can take off what was old and put on something new!! I mean, do you see that??? New!! HIS clothes that we might attend HIS feast!! Oh Amazing Grace!! we can change because he gave his life that we can have something new to change into!! We can be new creations be cause he died to change us into something clean!!
Oh, that is SO AMAZING!!! So Awesome!! I love it.
Then there is the poor guy who didn't have the garment. He could have gotten one, but he didn't want to change, but he wanted the benefits of the feast. He wanted into the kings palace, but he didn't want to change his clothes. He did not want the gift of the bride groom. he just wanted was it could give him as he was. He didn't want to change when he had the opportunity to be changed into something clean and beautiful. And God tossed him out.
Oh, if you have not changed clothes... if you have not taken the free gift of Christ. Take the Bridegrooms wedding garment, CHANGE, let him change you. What a gift a new clean robe of righteousness that we can sit at the table of the KING and the Bridegroom!!
God is AWESOME and GOOD and PERFECT and and and and and...
I was talking to Sarah Wilson today, trying to explain this parable. The main point I made was WHO was Christ talking to, the Pharisees. And I have always got the main part... or what I thought was the main part. But the last part... I never really understood until I was explaining it... and I stole from MacArthur and had read, but I didn't get it until I was talking about what I had said with my mother later.
'Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.'
"And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.
"But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment.
"And he said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless
"Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
"For many are called, but few are chosen."
okay. Never really gotten that before. The whole he didn't have the garment... but today I had a lightbulb moment!! I love when God gives us those
When all the destitute people came into the feast they knew that they were nasty and unworthy, but the King gave then new clothes. He clothed them in the clothes of the bride groom, which the feast was for. and every man and woman who got into the hall had on new clothes that were not his or her own, but the Bridegrooms. they changed clothes. But the change they had was not of themselves but of Christ.
they didn't just change clothes, they CHANGED, but they didn't change on their own and they didn't even change into something that was their own, but CHRIST'S!! How AWESOME IT THAT???
Christ gave out of his closet of righteousness new wedding garments that we could all ware. Even thought we had not worth or right or even cleanliness on out own. He gives us new clothes, he gives us the ability to take off our old nasty lives and put on his awesome gift of a new set of clean clothes that are HIS, his worthiness and love and joy and and and and... oh it goes on and on. Do you see what he has given us??? He has given us new clothes!!!! We can take off what was old and put on something new!! I mean, do you see that??? New!! HIS clothes that we might attend HIS feast!! Oh Amazing Grace!! we can change because he gave his life that we can have something new to change into!! We can be new creations be cause he died to change us into something clean!!
Oh, that is SO AMAZING!!! So Awesome!! I love it.
Then there is the poor guy who didn't have the garment. He could have gotten one, but he didn't want to change, but he wanted the benefits of the feast. He wanted into the kings palace, but he didn't want to change his clothes. He did not want the gift of the bride groom. he just wanted was it could give him as he was. He didn't want to change when he had the opportunity to be changed into something clean and beautiful. And God tossed him out.
Oh, if you have not changed clothes... if you have not taken the free gift of Christ. Take the Bridegrooms wedding garment, CHANGE, let him change you. What a gift a new clean robe of righteousness that we can sit at the table of the KING and the Bridegroom!!
God is AWESOME and GOOD and PERFECT and and and and and...
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