Beautiful

About a year and a half ago I could have told you exactly what I wanted to do. And about a year and a half ago that changed. What pray tell has sent me into such a tail spin? Strangely what messed up my plans is something that I love.

I love dancing. I love dancing a lot. Ask anyone who knows me they will say that all I do is dance. Whilst that is not entirely true-- I wouldn't mind if it were true. So what does dance have to do with the reason why I now have no idea where my life is going? A year and a half ago I thought I was called to be a missionary, but now I am fairly sure I am not. That doesn't mean I have ditched the idea, but it has changed.

I have always desired adventure in my life, far off places... exotic lands... strange, amazing cultures... I have been and seen all those things, and I think that my heart will be most happy with what God has planned... even if I have no idea what that may be. Even if that is where I never thought I would end up. And now I am not trying to figure it out. I am waiting. Waiting on God to show me the next step, that is how it works ya know! A good leader doesn't typically say "Hey lets do that move... NOW!" He leads it - step by step. So now I am in a step... no clue what is coming next.

Now, back to dancing. As I said, I love it, even if I am not the best, or even that good at it. But someday I will be good at it... I want to be good at it, I want to be able to teach it-- that is going to take a lot of time and work, but I have never desired a skill quite so much.

As this is becoming to long of a rant, I will continue to my point. What do I want?

I have come to a point in my life where I have no idea, and nearly nothing telling me which way to go. For a while this is bothered me greatly. I have always been the one who knows where I am going and I know what I want and I know how to work for it... but now I haven't the slightly idea. The one thing I do have are two passions in my life that have developed over this year: Dance and Women.

The reason I love dance so much is because in it I see the relationship between Christ and His church perfectly portrayed, I see the husband and wife, and most of all I see women how they are meant to be seen in both of the previously relationships.

When people do the 'describe me in one word' game girls give me "strong" or "independent" and guys typically have something along the lines of "fearsome" to describe me. So apparently I am a fearsome, strong, and independent woman. Most would not guess that where I am happiest in in the arms of a strong lead. Because there I am what I want to be, I am a woman. Yes I am strong and independent but I am also beautiful, graceful, and... following. I love to follow. I want to follow. Following, the place, the role that God placed a woman in. I want this role to been seen and valued as what it is!

Following, it takes great strength and training and ability. It also takes great trust in the leader, takes love and yes, submission. And I think it is awesome.

What I want to do with my life is show that women can be strong while being women, that we can be beautiful and that we can be followers without being less than our leading counterparts or overpowered or belittled.

There are some women who are afraid to follow because they think that they must become less than what they are. There are some who refuse to follow because they will not sacrifice their independence. There are some who dance and won't let the leader lead, and some who put themselves in someone's arms and give up on everything that they are in order to fulfill some idea that that is what womanhood is.

These are wrong ideas. True dance shows a follow -- a woman for what she is and her role for what it is. Beautiful.

Some how I want to teach this, show this. I don't know how this will pan out. It may turn out that God takes me to Israel to teach the value of women through dance. It might be that I am 'normal' I may have a normal job and lead a normal life (this is what I have always loathed) and just dance and be a dancer and God will give me the opportunity to use that for his Kingdom. God may take me somewhere else in the U.S. or across the globe. He may keep me right here in Memphis. It may mean that I support people who are already doing this.

But for a over year now it has been stewing in my brain, this is what I want to do. I want to dance, and I want women to see that being a woman is the most beautiful place in the eyes of God. And the role of a woman is not a lesser role, but a wonderful one.

So if you have read my rant I thank you for listening. And in summary I am a dancer and I love to dance and I am a woman and I love women. And I want everyone to see our -- your worth.

The End.